The Online Dating Stereotypes..

I did it. I got bored and created an online dating account a while back as a part of my bucket list ( justherbucketlist.tumblr.com ). The other day, I decided to log into that wild love trap and see what exactly had gone down. 

In my profile, I gave very basic information. A few basic interest, few exclamation marks and finally, a few recent pictures. Before I knew it, I was reading some of the absolute weirdest messages I could have ever received. However, my favorite thing about this experience was discovering the online dating world stereotypes. I have concocted my list of personal favorites and am going to waste some space telling you how I feel about the men of online dating.

Side Note: Not all people on these website fit into these categories, some are even great and kind people. This, however, will only reflect the creepiest of the creeps. 

The Sexual Mid-Forties Guy 

Ah, the sexual old guy. My personal favorite source of entertainment. These guys are the ones who just have absolutely NO boundaries. They are all above the age of 40 and just love going all out with "kid slang". A personal favorite of mine was, and I quote,  "u nd i cn have our firs date n VEGAS. we cn get maried nd tht. but dnt 4get ur hair dryer. u kno how u get about ur hair! luv u sexi girl." . Okay, so first strike; out of 34 words, he misspelled 22. Second strike; that was the most forward and uncomfortable message i have EVER read. Third strike; the guy is 47 years old. Come on now.

The Old Philosopher

 Oh, this guy. This is the over 60 year old category. Their messages are perfectly spelled and their profile tells you all about their intellect and life experiences. The messages are usually poetic and yet still very creepy. The line "Age is not an issue" often comes up which, in turn, makes age an evident issue. 

The Thug

Okay, the thug. The most hated one of all for me. They send messages about "tappin a$$" and "gettin sum". Oh, thug, thank you for noticing that one of my interests was being sexually harassed! So attentive! Honestly, how any of the thugs end up on a date makes me sad, because I figure the poor girl is just gonna jump on the bandwagon and release her love flower to the first thug who tells her that her "a$$ is so nice" and "imma ride that all nite.". Rest in peace sweet innocence of the thug lover.

The Traveler 

The overly-poetic traveler. This guy has at least one picture of himself with a glass of wine. He will probably tell you all about his stay in Paris and  how "un-suitable" the suite that he stayed in was. Chances are, his stories about his travels have absolutely no moral and are only being told because he wants you to think that he is wealthy and has six houses. In reality, he is probably a slacker and his family has all the money. Sorry traveler, your trip with me ends here. 

The Guy Who Pretends To Be David Beckham

Come on. You're trying to sell yourself to a group of horny 20-30 year olds. You're telling me that you never for a moment thought "Hmm.. some of these women have probably searched "shirtless David beckham" before.. I should maybe take something from google."?! COME ON. Sure, you don't want to put up a picture of yourself, because you look like a lemur, but at least put maybe a picture of you from far away? Sorry David Beckham, but this is the one time that the ladies will be keeping their pants on.

The Athlete Who Can't Tell You His Name

One of two things is happening here. This is actually an athlete who is only looking to get laid while he's in town OR (and more likely) they played a few outdoor hockey games on a lake once, got fat and when that didn't work for them, they opted for online dating. Hm, I just can't pick which one I would rather bring home to Mom.. 

lol look @ my abs Guy

I hate this guy. With a burning passion. Honestly, you may be the kindest person, but if you're going to stand there in your bedroom and take the time to set up a camera and take a selfie of your abdominal area, we're probably not going to work out. To be honest, I would rather know that you spent that time playing with your 4 cats than knowing that you really just wanted that perfect blurry shot of your abs for your online profile. If you're that attractive, then i'm sure someone will be seeing those abs live. And good for them. Thankfully, that will not be me. Hide yo abs.

 The Guy Who Is Looking For His Princess

Hi. You're not in the right place. Excuse me, but have you ever read Disney books? Not a single princess was ever found on Plenty Of Fish. Also, your promises of horse carriage rides and moonlight boat cruises seem unrealistic with your electricians salary. Bye bye prince not-even-a-little-bit-charming.

  There you have it. My top 8 stereotypes of online dating. There are so many more, but to be honest, I'll probably write another blog about that some day. There's just too much madness to cover. Sweet lord. Venture off into the world of online dating for 5 minutes and I promise, you'll encounter at least 2. 

ON THAT NOTE, happy fishing lovely people!

Later Days, 

Ally.